Microaggression

Before this week, I had never heard of the term microaggression.  What I have learned is that, unfortunately, in our current society slights and missteps are made numerous times each day, usually by even the most well-intentioned people.  While I try my best to always take others feelings into consideration, I know that there are times that my subconscious kicks in and I might say something that causes another to feel shamed or invalidated to some degree.  

Just this week, I saw a man switch lines at the grocery store after noticing who was in front of him in line after making a judgment based on the woman's appearance.  I, myself, felt disappointed and lost confidence when I was referred to as a "babysitter" a few days ago.  Additionally, I know that my daughter questioned her personal and family culture after her friend asked her what she does on Sundays if she doesn't go to church.  

I know that the work I do is valuable and that I plan to excel in my career in Early Childhood education.  I also know that while I own and operate a family child care home, to some I am still just a babysitter.  They will never know what I have sacrificed and still do sacrifice so that I can do the work that I do and strive to make myself available to my children while they are still young.  This does not mean that I am unaffected by the words that I hear, and although I usually attempt to use them as motivation and drive I certainly do not forget them.  

I don't know that i will ever know what it feels like to have some make a snap judgment about me based on my looks, as I closely resemble most members of American dominant society.  What I do know is that I truly felt for the woman who was being avoided based on presumptions made about her race, religion, and culture.  On one level  I was glad that my children did not witness this occurrence, but alternately, had they noticed, I would have found this a great opportunity to talk with my children about diversity, respect, and acceptance.

Finally, I know that as my children get older they will have to find greater levels of confidence so that they may handle cultural situations as they arise.  What I fear is the times that they will feel negatively about who they are based on another person's opinions or behaviors. It is my intention to provide them with a strong moral compass and the ability to trust in themselves and act in a manner they can feel proud of.

Perspectives on Culture and Diversity

This week, to coincide with my in-depth study of culture and diversity for my class, I chose to ask a few other people I know what they consider culture and diversity to be.  A basic surface description of the three people I chose to interview would be:

(1)  a male, mid-thirties, blue-collar, suburban, husband, father

(2)  a female, teenage, middle-class, suburban,  only child, divorced parents

(3)  a female, mid-thirties, upper class, major city metropolitan, mother, wife

These three people are similar in many ways in their own historical cultures, but have lived their lives in ways that exhibit many subtle differences when knowing them on a personal level, and are of course subject to the influences of their deep cultures.

Within all three responses was evidence that culture was something that meant something to them, yet was difficult to explain.    It was explained as a family history, the thing you grew up with and the incorporation of past and present.  Regarding diversity, my three interviewees recognized that it was an incorporation of different cultures, different ideas, and different opinions.  My older two participants also suggested that when recognizing diversity, adaptations and accommodations may need to be made to make everyone feel respected. 

What no one mentioned was that both of these concepts are those which are subject to change and always evolving.  As society changes, and our immediate environments change, so do our reactions and interpretations.  This allows for both immediate and long term changes to take place.  Additionally, many people struggle with adhering to the boundaries of several cultures all at once, and must make choices as to which one serves them best at any given moment.  This internal conflict can cause great stress for those whose multiple identities differ considerably. 

What my discussions have revealed is that definitions of the words “culture” and “diversity” are quick to roll off the tongue as if one is taking a test at school; however their meanings are complicated to define.  I think that these topics need to be discussed more openly and as a people we need to be less afraid and more willing to open our doors to understanding.  As I watched a man, just yesterday, switch check-out lines specifically due to who was standing in front of him, I felt sad.  Not only for the woman he blatantly offended, but also for the man who made a snap judgment about another human being he had never met. I began to wonder how many of these instances happen in a typical day that I never notice.  How many of them happen to me?  How many could I have made a difference in?  How many have I unintentionally participated in?  The last few weeks of intense scrutiny of culture and diversity have opened my eyes and made me realize that as I walk through my own maze of life, I need to be more aware and more active in making a positive difference so that I can be a better role model for others.  

My Family Culture

This week I was presented with the following scenario:

A major catastrophe has almost completely devastated the infrastructure of your country. The emergency government has decided that the surviving citizens will be best served if they are evacuated to other countries willing to take refugees. You and your immediate family are among the survivors of this catastrophic event. However, you have absolutely no input into the final destination or in any other evacuation details. You are told that your host country’s culture is completely different from your own, and that you might have to stay there permanently. You are further told that, in addition to one change of clothes, you can only take 3 small items with you.

I was then asked to describe which items I would choose to take and how I could/would explain their meaning.  After arriving in the new country, I would then be told that I could only keep one of the three chosen items. 

I have thought about situations like this many times, especially in regards to war and disastrous conditions around the world, when teaching about fire safety and when severe weather comes to call in my region, as we can often be subject to tornadoes, damaging storms in all seasons, and flooding.  What I have come to discover is that the harder I think, the less I need materially.  I would be incredibly thankful to be able to have my immediate family with me; however, I would miss the remainder of my family the most.  Most of my valuable items live in my mind and in my heart, so my three items would be reflections of that.

The first thing that I would take would be a photograph of my mother.  She is an integral component to my family, and a major influence in most of what we do.  She would, without a doubt, be the most missed item in our new world.  I would likely then defer my other two choices to my children, allowing them to each choose something that means the most to them. 

My decision reflects perfectly how I view my family culture.  We place great merit in our close family and value each other above all else.  Our children come first and foremost.  My husband, as a father and a husband, would be content in knowing that his three ladies would get to choose.  My role, as a wife and mother, is to respect my husband’s wishes and put others’ needs before my own. 

If I was then told to only bring one item, there would be no question that the picture would remain.  My children would understand that being able to consult with their grandmother, even if only through a picture, would carry much more weight than the tangible items they had chosen.  I am proud of the fact that know deep down in my heart that the most important things in my life can always be with me as they live within me.