Communication Skills and Styles

In an attempt to analyze communication skills and behaviors, in addition to ascertaining what can be learned through verbal and nonverbal messages, I have watched an episode of television that I was completely unfamiliar with; first without sound and then with the verbal dialogue added.  It was my goal to determine how well I can interpret the communication of others, and learn how mistakes in communication can be made.  I also then considered the differences between unfamiliar and familiar situations as I reflected on the potential differences in having previous background knowledge in a situation. 

**Last Man Standing, ABC network, Fridays @ 8:00p, sound off vs. sound on**

In watching with the sound off, I found that I was able to discern family placement, but not necessarily the actual emotional bonding between the characters.  By characterizing by age and physical proximity I could determine relationships, but simply analyzing facial expressions and body language I was left unsure about certain connections.  I was able to follow a basic story line after reading the show’s description, but don’t know that I could have really figured it out without a little help. 

           

After watching with the sound on, I was supported regarding family placement, but was incorrect about some integral aspects of the story line, particularly regarding the facial expressions/reactions of some of the characters relative to the point in the story line.  At one point, I assumed that the mother was attempting to relate an important piece of information to her husband, and that he was acting dismissive and using humor to deflect, but in reality, the point trying to be conveyed was solely satirical and humorous.  Additionally, at a point when I assumed that the father was trying to sway the future son-in-law in a particular direction, it turned out that he was doing the exact opposite. 

I found it easier to understand the body language and other nonverbal cues between the younger members of the cast, but had a more difficult time accurately understanding the messages between the older cast members, or those between older and younger characters.  I cannot say for sure whether or not it is because the older characters used a great deal of cynicism and sarcasm that can go undetected without verbal cues, or if I just feel as if I can place myself in the shoes of younger characters since I have already been through those stages in my life.  We have learned that our past dictates how we interpret communication and messages, and I think that it definitely showed here. 

I feel that if I were to try this experiment with a television program that I was more familiar with, or in an actual interaction between people that I knew, that I would be more accurate in my analysis.  I found this experiment to be quite valuable and found myself applying it to my practice.  I began to think about if I were of a different language or culture placed in a meeting where everyone else knew each other, how confused, and even possibly rejected I would feel. 

I also began to consider a certain mother who is a non-English speaking Muslim, that just recently enrolled her daughter in a preschool program that I visit a couple of times a week consisting primarily of white, English-speaking Christians.  For the first couple weeks, the daughter had a very difficult time separating from her mother.  While this was understandable, the mother seemed to not quite know how to best react to the situation.  This past week, the daughter seemed pleased to head into the classroom.  The mother smiled shyly with her gaze downcast, but I happened to catch her eye.  With a genuine smile at the step forward, I only managed to mutter, “Much better today”.  The mother visibly relaxed and smiled widely.  I was pleased to see that we connected and hoped that my gesture was considered appropriate.  I am anxious to see if we can actually strike up a conversation next week, where I intend to apply some of my new knowledge, and hope to improve my communication skills.  

Effective Communicationm

When I think of the person I know with the greatest communication skills, especially professionally, I often defer to one of my clients.  She works for a large company and is responsible to introducing new products and training new employees.  Socially, she is also an excellent communicator.  Her body language reflects confidence but she remains receptive.  She always stops to ponder a question or alternative viewpoint before responding and makes eye contact regularly.  

I have a terrible habit of interrupting others when they are speaking, especially when I become passionate about the subject matter.  While I tend to do this primarily in social contexts, I often find myself losing my train of though or becoming deficient in making points professionally as I try to monitor my own behavior simultaneously with attentive listening.  Also, because I am generally shy in nature, I  have trouble maintaining eye contact and exhibiting confident body language.  These are things that I have been working on for the last several years, but I often envy people for whom this seems to come naturally.

The saving grace in this situation is that I have come to also know this woman as a friend.  In doing so, I have learned that her abilities do not come naturally at all.  She has simply had the opportunity to practice regularly and admits also feeling incredibly nervous at times; however, she has developed coping strategies that allow her to perform seamlessly in the workplace.  It is my hope that the more opportunities I have to develop my skills, the more easily they will come.  I look forward to learning how to best make changes to my effectiveness as a communicator as I move toward being a more active and advocating member of the field.   

Professional Hopes and Goals

When I think about where I have been, where I am, and where I would like to see myself in the future, several things come to mind.  Overall, I am pleased with my successes and I am certain that I have learned a great deal from my mistakes.  It is my intention, during this leg of my life journey, to make a positive impact on young children and families to the greatest capacity I can.  I understand that it starts with me, my home, my extended family, and my local community.  As I attempt to reach out even further, I will broaden my goals, my visions, and my development as a person and a professional.  

I hope that I set a good example for others (at least most of the time), and would like to think that professionally my methods and practice reflect fairness and just treatment across the great spectrum of diversity. Furthermore, I would like young children specifically to always feel loved and respected, as I cannot imagine a greater feeling of despair than to feel as if you do not matter.  My hopes are what drive my passion and have led to the inception of my goals.

I look within frequently to assess my world and determine my role in improving it.  This becomes increasingly challenging as my workload gets bigger, and the world seems to change by the minute.  As I contemplate how we can move forward I realize that the work we do with young children and their families is critical.  What our children absorb from the very beginning will shape their lives forever, and as such, we must provide the most fair, just, and equitable environments possible.  We must put our own inhibitions aside and learn to walk in others' shoes.  We must see the world through different eyes and consider the true results of our actions.  We must not forget each other and how much we need each other to make our goals attainable.  

For this reason, I would like to thank my colleagues and fellow professionals for being a sounding board, a means of support and information, and a constant resource for expanding my own critical thinking.  I wish everyone the very best and hope that they find their own personal goals within reach!  

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Welcoming Families From Around the World

This week I was presented with the scenario of receiving an emigrating family from a foreign country as I worked in my setting of choice.  I was asked how I will prepare myself for their warm welcome and easy transition.  I have chosen to act as the director of intake for a local private elementary school.  The family I will be receiving will be from Japan.  This country, honestly, was chosen by my children and if I am to be honest, all I really know about Japan is related to sushi, earthquakes, wars, and animation.  I know very little about the “real” Japan.

Their will be many things that will need to be done in order to make this family feel welcome, comfortable, accepted, and then integrated into our current American culture.  The first step I would take would be to familiarize myself with as much of the Japanese language as I could along with asking around to determine whether or not anyone else in my professional circle had any experience with the language.  If I had no direct contact with a person familiar with the family’s particular dialect of Japanese I would arrange for a translator. 

I would then familiarize myself with the education system in Japan.  I would find as many similarities as I could and then determine how we can work through the elements that were distinctly different.  These factors could range from the position of the teacher versus the children, classroom structure and size, language and respect, and length and breadth of expected study.

Next, I would learn as much about the family’s attitudes toward education and our culture.  I would ask them directly (or through translation) about their hopes, fears, goals, and assumptions.  I would then ask them to describe their child/children and their opinions of the future they foresee. 

My fourth action would be to learn about the family’s culture.  I would like to learn about their past, present, and their anticipations for the future.  I would wish to learn about what they value, embrace, and would like to preserve.  I would also like to know if there were any cultural elements or American stereotypes that trouble them.  I would like to study their mannerisms, emotional reactions, and body language.  These factors will help me to understand the entire family better as we continue to bridge gaps and progress.

Finally, I would like to set up, by mutual agreement, an honest system by which we can communicate effectively.  I would like them to know that they can come to me with any issue and that I am willing to work with them regarding anything.  My heartfelt intention would be for their family to feel respected, welcomed, and appreciated into our academic environment.

I know that if I were put in the position of emigrating to another country and was faced with enrolling my children in a local school I would be incredibly apprehensive.  I know that I would question which parts of our culture would be understood and how my children would feel entering a world where they had to rely on the grace of others for true inclusion.  It would be my hope that my initial preparations, and those that would follow, would allow for the family to let their guard down enough to trust that I recognize their struggle and that my goal is for their success in our nation.  I would like them to know that we will have to work as a team, and that no matter how much I “study”, I will never understand fully without their input.  I hope that my excitement, and acceptance of the challenge will not intimidate or belittle them in any way and that their inclusion to our environment will be one to more effectively diversify our world.

The Personal Side of Bias, Prejudice, and Oppression

I suppose that I am one of the lucky ones.  I have not been the target of much bias, prejudice, or oppression.  I have experienced my share of sexism, accompanied by some ageism, but most of the bias, prejudice, and oppression I have witnessed has been in regards to others. 

Due to its recent occurrence, I would like to share a situation of bias and oppression that is fresh in my mind.  I was volunteering at my daughter’s school on Friday for a fundraising run/walk event.  The children were asked to run or walk around the school grounds for one hour.  My daughter began the event with two of her good friends and I had the pleasure of accompanying them. When she caught up to one of her friends from the alternative learning classroom she asked her to join the group.  Her two other friends offered up some questionable glances.  My daughter saw the glances, grabbed the hand of her friend and they took off running.  One of the first friends asked me, “Where does H think she’s going?”  I simply stated, “It looks like she and E felt like running.”  The girl stated, “That’s weird.  E is so creepy.”   I was completely caught off guard by this comment, but  reinforced that there was nothing “creepy” about E, she just learns differently, and it looked to me that they were having a great time.  The two girls just shrugged their shoulders, but had nothing more to add. 

I was so proud of my daughter in that moment.  It was as if she was protecting her friend from a potentially uncomfortable situation.  For the remainder of the walk each twosome kept to themselves, yet one was undoubtedly happier than the other.  I am hoping that when the time is right my daughter will be able to vocally address the complicated feelings between them all, but until that time her actions will continue to speak louder than her words. 

I have witnessed numerous situations of bias, prejudice, and oppression throughout the years, but have been much more acutely aware of the presence over the last several weeks. I have been affected personally by negativity based upon race, religion, sexual orientation, age, and physical ability.  While every scenario is different, and I have acted differently each time, they have all left a lasting impression.  As the weeks continue and I am asked to analyze these issues, each one takes me to a place in my mind where I can make mental adjustments and alter my persona to be a better advocate for those who may need my intervention.  

Microaggression

Before this week, I had never heard of the term microaggression.  What I have learned is that, unfortunately, in our current society slights and missteps are made numerous times each day, usually by even the most well-intentioned people.  While I try my best to always take others feelings into consideration, I know that there are times that my subconscious kicks in and I might say something that causes another to feel shamed or invalidated to some degree.  

Just this week, I saw a man switch lines at the grocery store after noticing who was in front of him in line after making a judgment based on the woman's appearance.  I, myself, felt disappointed and lost confidence when I was referred to as a "babysitter" a few days ago.  Additionally, I know that my daughter questioned her personal and family culture after her friend asked her what she does on Sundays if she doesn't go to church.  

I know that the work I do is valuable and that I plan to excel in my career in Early Childhood education.  I also know that while I own and operate a family child care home, to some I am still just a babysitter.  They will never know what I have sacrificed and still do sacrifice so that I can do the work that I do and strive to make myself available to my children while they are still young.  This does not mean that I am unaffected by the words that I hear, and although I usually attempt to use them as motivation and drive I certainly do not forget them.  

I don't know that i will ever know what it feels like to have some make a snap judgment about me based on my looks, as I closely resemble most members of American dominant society.  What I do know is that I truly felt for the woman who was being avoided based on presumptions made about her race, religion, and culture.  On one level  I was glad that my children did not witness this occurrence, but alternately, had they noticed, I would have found this a great opportunity to talk with my children about diversity, respect, and acceptance.

Finally, I know that as my children get older they will have to find greater levels of confidence so that they may handle cultural situations as they arise.  What I fear is the times that they will feel negatively about who they are based on another person's opinions or behaviors. It is my intention to provide them with a strong moral compass and the ability to trust in themselves and act in a manner they can feel proud of.

Perspectives on Culture and Diversity

This week, to coincide with my in-depth study of culture and diversity for my class, I chose to ask a few other people I know what they consider culture and diversity to be.  A basic surface description of the three people I chose to interview would be:

(1)  a male, mid-thirties, blue-collar, suburban, husband, father

(2)  a female, teenage, middle-class, suburban,  only child, divorced parents

(3)  a female, mid-thirties, upper class, major city metropolitan, mother, wife

These three people are similar in many ways in their own historical cultures, but have lived their lives in ways that exhibit many subtle differences when knowing them on a personal level, and are of course subject to the influences of their deep cultures.

Within all three responses was evidence that culture was something that meant something to them, yet was difficult to explain.    It was explained as a family history, the thing you grew up with and the incorporation of past and present.  Regarding diversity, my three interviewees recognized that it was an incorporation of different cultures, different ideas, and different opinions.  My older two participants also suggested that when recognizing diversity, adaptations and accommodations may need to be made to make everyone feel respected. 

What no one mentioned was that both of these concepts are those which are subject to change and always evolving.  As society changes, and our immediate environments change, so do our reactions and interpretations.  This allows for both immediate and long term changes to take place.  Additionally, many people struggle with adhering to the boundaries of several cultures all at once, and must make choices as to which one serves them best at any given moment.  This internal conflict can cause great stress for those whose multiple identities differ considerably. 

What my discussions have revealed is that definitions of the words “culture” and “diversity” are quick to roll off the tongue as if one is taking a test at school; however their meanings are complicated to define.  I think that these topics need to be discussed more openly and as a people we need to be less afraid and more willing to open our doors to understanding.  As I watched a man, just yesterday, switch check-out lines specifically due to who was standing in front of him, I felt sad.  Not only for the woman he blatantly offended, but also for the man who made a snap judgment about another human being he had never met. I began to wonder how many of these instances happen in a typical day that I never notice.  How many of them happen to me?  How many could I have made a difference in?  How many have I unintentionally participated in?  The last few weeks of intense scrutiny of culture and diversity have opened my eyes and made me realize that as I walk through my own maze of life, I need to be more aware and more active in making a positive difference so that I can be a better role model for others.